To
help you figure out what your true emotions might be behind why
you're feeling so angry, here are 10 different reasons and
emotions that could be happening:
1. Fear
Anger
is often caused by fear. Something happens and it scares you in some
way. You fear losing control, looking foolish, being in trouble, or
maybe even getting hurt. But, your anger is in response to being
afraid of something. It's that whole fight or flight concept
happening. Anger is the fighting back at what scares you. So, ask
yourself if you're really feeling afraid.
2. Powerlessness
There's
a great quote which says, "Anger is a chosen response to the
feeling of powerlessness. Anger is how we attempt to reassert control
over situations that baffle us." So, you may be feeling helpless
or like a victim with something and you use anger to try and regain
some sort of control in your life.
Something
to watch out for this one is that you could be feeling powerless in
one situation and it will cause you to react with anger at anyone who
upsets you. For example, say you have a health issue and you're
feeling frustrated because you can't get in to see the specialist.
So, you feel powerless in this situation, probably also a little
scared and frustrated. That's the feeling percolating in the back of
your mind and you need a way to release that so as soon as someone or
something annoys you, all your pent up feelings are vented on that
person. They may have absolutely nothing to do with why you're
feeling powerless. But, they've become a handy way to release all
those negative feelings you've bottled up.
So,
if you find yourself over reacting to situations, check and see if
you are feeling powerless in a different situation. Again, you're
figuring out where your real anger is coming from.
3. Frustration
If
you're feeling frustrated with something in your life, you might
respond with anger. You're just so frustrated with something that
you're annoyed and angry. For example when you're learning something
new like a software program. You just want the program to do
something and it's so frustrating because you don't know how to get
the software to do that. So, you're feeling impatient and you respond
by getting angry at the computer or the program.
Or
if you're stuck in a traffic jam and you're frustrated because
there's nothing you can do. This one can also be caused by fear
though. You fear that you're going to be late due to the traffic jam
and your imagination starts going wild with all the bad things that
are now going to happen (eg. lose your job because you're going to be
late or someone is going to be mad at you, etc.) But, the anger
starts with feeling frustrated or powerless with the situation. You
don't know what to do.
To
deal with this one, it can help if you take a step back and just look
at the big picture again. What do I want to achieve in this
situation? How can I do that? rather than focusing on the obstacle or
thing that's frustrating you.
4. Pain From The Past
Often
anger is associated with pain from the past. A traumatic experience
happened in the past that the person has never really dealt with.
Abuse as a child for example or feeling abandoned as a child. In this
case, often the anger isn't even associated with the current event
the person is experiencing. The person is just so angry at the entire
world due to something that happened a long time ago. They hit out at
everyone they come into contact with due to the constant pain they
have deep inside. Or they feel so hurt that they don't want to let
anyone come close to them. They use the anger as a way of protecting
themselves from further hurt. Or a situation happens and it reminds
them of that event that happened a long time ago and they
automatically react with anger.
5. Bad Habit
Sometimes
anger comes because it's easier to blame others for problems rather
than taking responsibility for your own life or you don't want to
come up with a solution yourself. You're just used to reacting that
way and it's become a very bad habit.
6. Feeling Overwhelmed or Exhausted
If
you're overly exhausted all the time, you might be just too tired to
mentally deal with situations that happen. You don't have the
strength to have patience with the situation. This is one you often
find with new parents but it can happen to anyone if they're overly
tired.
Or
you might just have too many things happening at once and it causes
overwhelm for you. You're at the limit of what you can handle at the
moment. It can feel scary and you might react with anger at the next
event that pushes you over your threshold of what you can deal with.
7. Jealousy
You
feel jealous about what someone else has or has done. It might remind
you that you want that as well or it tells you that you're not
following your own dreams. But, instead you get so angry at the
person for having something you want when really you need to turn it
around and start thinking "That's something I'd like to have in
my life too. How do I start to work towards getting that for myself?"
8. Approval Seeking
If
someone is looking for validation or approval from others, they might
go to incredible lengths to please the other person and when the
other person doesn't react the way they want them to, they feel hurt
but they respond with anger as a way to deal with those feelings.
They don't feel good enough inside or they feel like a failure so
they try to get others to tell them how good they are. But, it
doesn't work and they end up feeling angry at everyone because
they've gone to so much effort and it wasn't appreciated.
The
answer to this one is that you need to deal with those feelings of
why you don't feel good enough and start to approve of yourself
first. Once you approve of yourself, so will others.
9. Hurt
If
you feel hurt by someone's actions, a part of you might not want to
deal with that emotion so you choose to respond with anger instead.
10. Manipulation
Sometimes
people use anger as a way to get others to react in a certain way.
For example, they want the other person to do them a favor and if the
other person hesitates they get mad so the other person will do what
they want. Or they want to gain control over the other person and
they know if they get angry the other person will back down. Or they
want to make the other person afraid of them. Sometimes people even
use it as a way to get out of doing things. Someone asks them to help
them with something and they get mad at the other person not only to
get out of the current situation but to discourage the other person
from ever asking again.
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